All Pawtucket All The Time

Parents Encouraged to Reconnect, Respect Their College-Age Children

Thanksgiving is around the corner and college freshmen across the country are heading home, many for the first time since August. Parents can look forward to spending quality time with their sons or daughters during the weekend, but they should be prepared to discover that the parent-child relationship is a little different than it was a few months ago.

Experts say that despite all the e-mailing, texting, and chatting over the phone of the past few months, the reality of seeing their children is quite different. Upon this first return home, parents should expect and respect the changes that may have occurred in their children, says Dawn Bruner, director of parent relations at the University of Rochester.

 ”Students are going to be proud of their new found independence,” says Bruner. “So ask open ended questions and allow them to share the interests they’ve discovered or things that they’ve learned.”

Parents should be aware of their son or daughter’s sense of independence and try to be flexible. Bruner encourages parents to renegotiate expectations so everyone is comfortable and informed about the rules of the household, which may be different from those on campus.

Parents should also shy away from cramming the weekend full of activities and consult with their children before making plans. Set aside enough time to focus on rediscovering the joy of being together.

Bruner says that this visit is also a good time to assess how children are adjusting to college life. Work to explore and understand any of the problems that may have risen while at school. But Brunner cautions parents to respect boundaries, especially if their children are not opening up about certain issues.

If something truly feels wrong, Bruner says the best thing for parents to do is encourage their son or daughter to use all the resources a college or university offers. Also, parents should reach out to members of the campus community who have a common interest in student success and wellness. In her role as director of parent relations, Bruner is regularly in touch with parents of college students and provides assistance with their concerns.

“Offer advice when they need it, point them in the direction of resources they can use to help find solutions to their problems,” advises Bruner. “They’re looking for some level of support, but let them do the heavy lifting.”              

Bruner advises that over the course of the long weekend, parents should concentrate on sharing small moments with their sons or daughters.  Listen to their ideas, thoughts, and concerns and get a feel for the changes that may have occurred.

And, if there’s time, maybe do a few loads of their laundry. 

About the University of Rochester

The University of Rochester (www.rochester.edu) is one of the nation’s leading private universities. Located in Rochester, N.Y., the University gives students exceptional opportunities for interdisciplinary study and close collaboration with faculty through its unique cluster-based curriculum. Its College, School of Arts and Sciences, and Hajim School of Engineering and Applied Sciences are complemented by the Eastman School of Music, Simon School of Business, Warner School of Education, Laboratory for Laser Energetics, Schools of Medicine and Nursing, and the Memorial Art Gallery.